It’s the thing that freezes people’s feet to the floor. Ours is broken apparently because it’s missing a handle and we run around like crazy so you can all see us well at some point.
But enough about you, let’s talk about me.
I started performing in drag in December 2011 under the hideous stage name you see now and I made my rounds at all the drag bars and stuff. Despite some notoriety, some good reviews, some bad reviews, a canceled show at a venue with an owner who was not willing to put forth the time, effort, budget, and energy it took to make the show successful, a few bright, shiny moments of triumph, etc., I finally landed a big gig – my role with the Chaos cast.
It had been a big dream of mine to join the cast in some fashion, so getting it meant I’d finally reached the zenith of my goals and whatnot. I’d have a steady show, I wouldn’t be fighting for the booking, I’d get to flash my ass to literally hundreds of people once(sometimes twice) a month.
And that is why I’m putting the rest of my drag to rest. RHPS is something I see myself doing for the rest of my life with no trouble. It’s hard work that is usually followed by gratification from myself and fans after the show, yet with a desire to outdo and improve the next show. No one is going to take that from me. As for performing at bars around the city? Unneeded stress that never feels fulfilling when it actually does go right.
So there you have it. I am an exclusive drag queen for Rocky Horror. I’m Rocky Horror’s bitch. And I’m totally down with that.
Nowhere is this more awesome and relevant than July’s theme: Pride.
Although I don’t want you guys to look at it as just LGBT pride. For me, RHPS has always been about exploring and expressing your sexuality without limitations, coming to terms with who you are as a person, and how you relate to people at the shows. It’s not just about celebrating your independent uniqueness, it’s about coming together despite differences and realizing the goal for everyone is to be happy together as a community. When humanity becomes not just a community, but a community that gets along and supports each other, it’s an amazing feeling.
That is how we battle insecurities. That is how we battle those who want to persecute innocent people(see Orlando). That is how we become better people. And that is how we live in a world without fear.
So come out, be proud of who you are as a person, and hug the person next to you. Or get their number if they’re single. Love is love, caring is caring, RHPS is $11.
$11 of love.
SEE YOU JULY 9th!
Here’s the list for the Upcoming movies at the River Oaks Theatre Midnight Movie Series.
July 1-2: Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World
July 8: SHAFT (1971) Roundtree Original
July 9: Rocky Horror w/CHAOS
July 15-16: Aliens 30th Anniversary
July 22: The Room
July 23: Rocky Horror w/CHAOS
July 29: Reservoir Dogs
Aug 5-6: Kiki’s Delivery Service
Aug 12: Top Gun
Aug 13: Rocky Horror w/CHAOS
Aug 19-20: Notorious (1946)
I don’t care how awesome Laverne Cox is – she’s not going to give you what we’re going to give you.
But let’s talk about PROM.
That’s this month’s show theme. Everyone just graduated and celebrated prom recently. So whether you’ve graduated this year or 20 years ago or never/got your GED, come out in some Prom-themed outfit and you’ll fit right in!
Last month, we actually had fans come FROM PROM to see our show in their prom dresses and tuxes. It was a pretty sweet experience and made for an awesome photo.
Thanks guys! Also, if you’re coming again, you don’t have to worry about finding an outfit, you’ve got one!
Our themes are awesome and we make sure we always have one so that we’re bringing some variety to your monthly RHPS viewings at River Oaks. Because you should be coming every month. Rocky Horror is not an experience or a movie or a play. It’s a religion. And we’re not forcing you to go every Sunday(although I’d like to have some of you sexy guys on your knees at least once a week), but we’re offering a once-a-month opportunity to socialize, celebrate, and worship me. I mean the show. Not worship. Enjoy. Enjoy the performance.
Although if that’s not enough, we’re doing TWO shows in July! Keep your playbills! They have all the info, Rocky trivia, and more.
This month Ryan Fontuhhoweveryouspellit, who usually plays Brad, is going to be playing Rocky for the prom show! We should all be thrilled that he’s going to be running around in gold go-go boy shorts! I wonder if he’ll be able to lift me. If not, you can all spank him with me during the meet-and-greet.
So who’s playing Brad? ZACH! That’s right, our golden boy is gonna be brown-haired and stripped down to dorky white briefs for the show. I know you’re excited. My mouth is watering.
Other than that, we’re going to be VERY happy having Amber Munster back as Magenta! Which means Jennifer will be able to take awesome photos of the show so you can show off to your friends how cool you are for coming and convince them to come next time.
See you Saturday!
You’re pals at original Chaos never @#$%ing rest so we’ve come up with two new t-shirts for sale only at the River Oaks Theatre Rocky Horror showings. Our super sweet Misfit inspired FranknFurter shirt
And our BowieFurter Shirt – (Bowie and Tim shared a make up artist….)
Since tonight was Robert’s last show, we came up with a special set of limited edition Robert Pins! Only for the first 100 fans. Enjoy.
[Foss note here: We wanted to give Robert the opportunity to say goodbye and thank you to everyone here at the show with one final interview, when I couldn’t find anyone to do the interview, Amber popped up and suggested “Let Robert do it!” Never one to turn down a great idea we did the only thing we could do was ask Robert to interview Robert. So here in all it’s glory is Robert interviewing himself about his final show and future plans. Enjoy.]
Price: I know I’m busy with all the moving preparations, so thank you for making the time for you.
Robert: No, thank me!
Price: I’m welcome. You’ve been doing the show for two years and now you’re walking away. Why?
Robert: I’m going to New York. There’s a great big world out there, and I have to go see it now while I’m young and stupid. I know too many people that wait for something to push them out of their comfort zone and end up…comfortable. Plans to leave the city get pushed back further and further until they don’t see the point in taking the risk because they’re happy where they are. That’s a beautiful thing, but it’s not what I want to do. I’m deeply afraid that I’ll squander the opportunities that I’ve been given by making the safe choice. I get anxious if I feel like I’m not creating or learning or improving. Don’t dream it, be it.
Price: That was a little heavy for the first question. Let’s lighten up a bit. What was your first Rocky Show like?
Robert: I don’t think anything could really prepare me for that first show. I knew the movie well, but I think I had seen it only three times at River Oaks. So some of the call-outs caught me by surprise and made me miss my next line cause I was laughing. I found my self looking back at the screen even though I had promised myself that I wouldn’t. I think I got the floorshow dance right because that’s what we practiced the most, other than Sweet T. One thing you realize about the movie is how many different costumes that Frank has to be responsible for. Keeping track of when to change into what was pretty difficult.
Price:Where did you get your costume?
Robert: The black heels were from erotic cabaret and then hand glittered with E-6000 by me and my lovely lady Sara. The red heals I stole from the costume loft at The University of Houston School of Theatre and Dance. They had done the Rocky Horror Show a few years ago and I saw it and loved it. The wig I ordered from a Rocky specialty sight, and the corset was made by a wonder woman who used to help us out with costumes. The garter belt I had to make myself (which I have no business doing) because nobody makes the British-style six-garter belt anymore, and even if they did it wouldn’t be the right color. Sara actually finished it for me and it’s fastened with a bra clasp. The elbow gloves I also hand stitched which is why they look the way they do, and the fabric is the reverse side of sequined chainmail from a production of Once Upon A Mattress in which I played Prince Dauntless. The dresses are thrift-store finds.
Price: What is going through your head as you’re doing the show now?
Robert: I’m mostly concerned about keeping my voice healthy by supporting with good breath, my posture in heels takes some conscious thought, and I’m always making sure to try and “fuck the back row” with my performance. Foss’ vision of the show makes us the rock stars, and I think our goal is to be so engaging and committed that we’re adding to the movie and not taking away from it.
Price:This might be a little early in the interview to ask, but do you ever fantasize about people at Rocky Horror?
Robert: Of course. When I put on that costume I feel like a demigod, and 300 people dressed like they’re gonna get laid is definitely a turn on. The sexiest person I ever saw at rocky was Sara doing Trixie’s strip-tease, and I think the fans would agree. The fantasies involve Sara and I “going to town” together on various audience members.
Price: How long have you and Sara been together? What’s your secret?
Robert: It will be 3 years this October. She’s talented, kind and clever. We’ve grown a lot together as we’ve grown up. We’ve been apart the last three summers because of her professional work as an actress, but we both have summer birthdays so we’re used to grand romantic gestures. I’ve made her several videos, she wrote a rap for me, and this year we’ve recorded an album together of all the silly love songs we wrote in high school up to now. It’s called Retro Spectacle and her songs are amazing.
Price: A lot of our cast have hidden talents. Stevie styles hair, Zach is a chef, Rachael is a visual artist, and Amber is a professional groupie. What do you do outside of Rocky Horror?
Robert: I have a degree in Playwriting, and my passion is improvisation. I perform with Comedysportz Houston in a family friendly show, as well as with Flirt Reynolds in a PG-13 show. I teach improv at Beta Theater. I’m currently studying up on shakespeare so I can improvise a play in iambic pentameter.
Price: What are you excited about in the future?
Robert: New York means I’m going to get knocked down, and get up again, and hopefully they’re never going to keep me down. I’ll start at the beginning all over again as a tiny fish in a hurricane ocean, and maybe discover some like minded fish at the bottom that want to start a new school. But I gotta watch out for sharks and hooks and stingrays and such. I got to find out what water is.
Price: Are you planning on trying cocaine when you get to New York?
Robert: No, I might give up drinking though. I waited until I was 21 to drink, which I do not regret at all, and after a year of trying everything out I’d be comfortable saving the money from now on. I don’t eat meat and I don’t drink soda, I don’t drink coffee and I don’t smoke weed. Cheaper to be clean. I’m still debating whether pornography belongs in my life, and I’m a master debater. I’m thinking right now my imagination is more interesting than whatever the internet decides is erotic, and getting in touch with my own sensuality probably makes me a better lover.
Price: Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Robert: Handing over the management of my improv theater to someone I trust so that I can go pursue a job writing and performing for a new kind of Netflix show. Then visiting Houston to play in shows at Christmas.
Price: This has been really fun for me and I wish you the best. I have one more question: what advice do you have for people just starting out in Rocky Horror?
Robert: Get to know the people you work with. I think at some point in the big cities Rocky Horror was an unsafe place for normal people, and now it’s become a safe place for weird people. The people that do the show and the people that come to the show believe in certain principles that are wonderful. Sexual and gender liberation, the importance of obscenity, and the sense of disillusionment about the world they’ve felt as they got older. These are people that have fun celebrating a strange and broken fantasy because they think reality is the real joke. Getting to know your cast also result in moments of unexpected collaboration. The audience doesn’t remember the movie when they leave, they remember the moment when two cast members created something new together because they’re friends and friends can do that.
Foss again: On behalf of everyone at The Royal Mystic Order of Chaos we want to thank Robert for his time and Energy. As always we also want to extend our heartfelt appreciation to the Fans of Chaos and The Rocky Horror Picture Show who have supported both the cast and Rocky Horror in Houston. Thank you all so much for being so kind to us. See you tonight!
The Royal Mystic Order of Chaos is presenting our annual Costume Contest! First prize will be a Riff and Magenta 25th anniversary Giant headed statues! Freaking awesome! Choking Hazards! So dress as your favorite member of Chaos, or The Rocky Horror Picture Show!
Small Print Rules:
- Costume must be original. No store bought costumes.
- Contest is limited to fans of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and Chaos – No past, present or future former cast members of Chaos or performers with other Houston Rocky groups may participate. This is for the fans.
- Judging is to be by a panel of Chaos / Rocky Horror Experts.
- We can make up additional rules as needed.
- Bribes are always accepted.
- There is no rule 7.
The Royal Mystic Order of Chaos Fan-Fiction Contest Official Rules
NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. A PURCHASE OR PAYMENT OF ANY KIND WILL NOT INCREASE YOUR CHANCES OF WINNING.
The Royal Mystic Order of Chaos Fan Fiction Contest (the “Promotion”) is open only to legal residents of earth who are at least old enough to write and attend the show. Void in Quebec and where prohibited by law. The Promotion is subject to all applicable federal, state and local laws and regulations. Participation constitutes entrant’s full and unconditional agreement to these Official Rules and Sponsor’s decisions, which are final and binding in all matters related to the Promotion. Winning a prize is contingent upon fulfilling all requirements set forth herein.
- Entry Period
The Promotion begins February 17th and ends on March 7th (the “Promotion Entry Period”).
- How to Enter
To enter the Promotion you must submit one (1) original story inspired by The Rocky Horror Picture Show and/or The Royal Mystic Order of Chaos (the “Submission”). Limit of one thousand (1,000) submissions per person during the Promotion Entry Period.
You retain all right, title, and interest in and to your Submission, including the copyright, provided, however, that by participating in the Promotion, you hereby grant The Royal Mystic Order of Chaos the non-exclusive, royalty-free right and license to publish your Submission, in whole or in part, and your name, image, likeness, and biographical information for publicity, advertising, and promotional purposes, without limitation, and without consideration whether or not such Submission is selected as a winning Submission. You additionally grant sponsors the right, but not the obligation to, edit, amend, or cut your submission for publication, the time and format determined solely by the sponsors as well as all access and rights to your eternal soul.
- Submission Requirements
- Submission must be no less than 400 and no more than 1,200 words.
- Submission must be an original, spicy work created solely by you, which contains characters primarily based on the cast and crew of The Royal Mystic Order of Chaos and The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The work cannot have been previously published or masturbated to.
- Submission must not be suitable for publication (i.e., must be sexually explicit, obscene or indecent).
- Submission may contain defamatory statements.
- Submission must not promote racism, bigotry, hatred or physical harm or harassment of any kind against any group or individual, for real though.
- Submission must not contain any telephone numbers, street addresses or email addresses of any individual.
All Submissions will be reviewed for content eligibility and compliance with these Official Rules before being judged. Submissions containing prohibited material or inappropriate content, as determined by the Sponsor, in its sole discretion, may be disqualified. The Royal Mystic Order of Chaos makes the final determination as to what Entries are eligible to take part in this Promotion.
- Review of Submissions to Determine Grand Prize Winner
The Submissions will be ranked in the following three (3) criteria: (a) quality (33.33%), (b) creativity (33.33%), and (c) smutiness (33.33%). One (1) individual whose entry earns the highest overall score will win the Grand Prize and potentially have their story performed on stage during the show. One (1) individual whose entry earns the second highest overall score will be mocked mercilessly. Judges will appear to be fair and impartial. Odds of winning depend on number of eligible Entries received.
One (1) Grand prize will be awarded. Grand prize winner will receive a very cool ROCKY HORROR PURSE. Approximate Retail Value of the Grand Prize is more than a toaster, but not a real expensive toaster. Prize is non-transferable and no substitution will be made except as provided herein at the Sponsor’s sole discretion. Sponsor reserves the right to substitute the listed prize for one of equal or greater value for any reason. Or to keep the prize entirely, because we want…. Its nice. Grand Prize winner must be present at the March 14th show to collect their prize in person.
One (1) second prize will be awarded. Second prize winner will receive nothing, because second place is a loser. Prize is non-transferable and no substitution will be made except as provided herein at the Sponsor’s sole discretion. Sponsor reserves the right to substitute the listed prize for one of equal or greater value for any reason.
- Entry Conditions and Release
By entering, each participant agrees to: (a) comply with and be bound by these Official Rules and the decisions of the Sponsor, and/or the Promotion judges which are binding and final in all matters relating to this Promotion; (b) release and hold harmless the Sponsor and its respective parent, subsidiary, and affiliated companies, and anyone who is or is not a large overgrown mammal lacking in fur. My god, how have you read this far? Shit, I don’t even know what to type down here. I mean don’t get me wrong I have entered in plenty of contests in the past and I have this weird neuroticism which makes me compulsively read the rules and agreements before I check off or sign anything, but those contests manage to have like ten to thirty pages of legal stuff, and here I am only managing to barely hit three. … Damn… I guess I can just fill all of this in with legal word I know: from and against any and all claims, expenses, and liability, including but not limited to negligence and damages of any kind to persons and property, including but not limited to invasion of privacy (under appropriation, intrusion, public disclosure of private facts, false light in the public eye or other legal theory), defamation, slander, libel, violation of right of publicity, infringement of trademark, copyright or other intellectual property rights, property damage, or death or personal injury arising out of or relating to a participant’s entry, creation of an entry or submission of an entry, participation in the Promotion, acceptance or use or misuse of prize (including any travel or activity related thereto) and/or the broadcast, exploitation or use of entry; and (c) indemnify, defend and hold harmless the Sponsor from and against any and all claims, expenses, and liabilities (including reasonable attorneys fees) arising out of or relating to an entrant’s participation in the Promotion, the Submission and/or entrant’s acceptance, use or misuse of prize. (d) No former members or performers from The Royal Mystic Order of Chaos or any other cast that has performed at the River Oaks Theatre may enter or win.
Entrant agrees that: (i) any and all disputes, claims and causes of action arising out of or connected with this Promotion, or any prizes awarded, other than those concerning the administration of the Promotion or the determination of winners, shall be resolved individually, without resort to any form of class action; (ii) any and all disputes, claims and causes of action arising out of or connected with this Promotion, or any prizes awarded, shall be resolved in a Thunderdome style fight to the death in the parking lot of the River Oaks theatre under the next blood moon.
Well, we did a Gender Bender Show. Oh Lord. We’re sorry you had to see that. More photos can be found at our facebook page. But congratulations to Kyle for his amazing Kyle-Lumbia who was the star of our show.
Author and Mr. Freeze Impersonator Larry Viezel
We met first author Larry Viezel back in July 2014 when Rocky Horror Saved My Life filmed CHAOS at the River Oaks Theatre. We thought it was some sort of mistake when they said they were coming out, but they seemed nice enough. Anyway, Larry has written a book with Sal Piro, President for Life of the Rocky Horror Fan Club the book is CHOCK full of the kind of crap you dream about seeing one day.
So Foss fired off an email with 11 questions about the book The ROCKY HORROR TREASURY: A TRIBUTE TO THE ULTIMATE CULT CLASSIC and RHSML….
1. How did your obsession with Rocky start?
This is a pretty unique spin on the standard opening question. You aren’t really asking “When did you first see Rocky Horror”. You’re asking when did my *obsession* start. I started going to Rocky Horror just after i graduated High School. I went pretty much every weekend that summer. It was a fun place to be and there were hot girls in lingerie to ogle. I stayed out way later than I did otherwise. We all went to the diner after every show and had a hell of a time being dumb teenagers with nowhere to be. What actually got me obsessed with the movie was taking all that away. When i went to college there was no Rocky Horror around. The local show in Albany had just stopped running and there was no show other than Halloween. Absence makes the heart grow fonder as they say. So I would long for those weekend opportunities to go home and be part of the Rocky scene again.
2. What made Rocky so important in your life?
There is the cliche answer – the friendships. As cliche as the answer is, its true. I’ve made lifelong friends there. I still talk and hang out with people I met at my first show at the theatre.
The not so cliche answer, or at least the answer most people won’t admit, is the attention. Rocky was, and still is, a place where a guy with dumb jokes and great sense of timing can get laughs and swoons. There is no better feeling in the world than an audience eating up what you are throwing at them.
3. How’s the RHSML filming going?
Great. Its pretty fantastic to go all over the country and witness Rocky Horror in different markets. Its not a journey too many people have gotten to make in the 40 year history of the movie. Certainly not this many shows in one year. Its pretty cool to see the similarities and differences between the casts. To see two shows that have sell out crowds, but could not possibly be more different, and yet they are still ostensibly doing the same thing. Its also really cool to meet the people who have kept the cult going for as many years as its been going. I’ve heard some great stories – some really unexpected stuff. I sometimes wish we could stay talking to some of these people for way longer than the short time we have with them.
There is a misconception though about the journey being all peaches and blowjobs. There is a fair amount of suck involved in filming. We hours on end cramming as many interviews as we can into the small time frame we have allotted. Sometimes those hours are spent in dank basements, sometimes in hot rooms where we can’t turn on the air conditioning because it will ruin the sound. Or we spend the days travelling – either cramped in the middle seat of an airplane or driving 10 plus hours to get somewhere. I also spend an inordinate amount of time away from the responsibilities of the rest of my life – my family, my job, my home show. Going away means those things will be twice as much work to tend to when I come back in half the amount of time. But I can’t complain too much because making this movie has given me the opportunity to see all of these shows and that’s a Rocky Horror fan’s dream come true. And in the end I am sure its going to all be worth it because there will be a kick ass finished result.
Larry with Poster.
4. What was the moment that you decided to create a book for the fans of Rocky?
Its not really all that glamorous. I answer emails for the Rocky Horror Picture Show fan Club, as well as handle their social media. An email came across addressed to Sal Piro from a publisher who wanted to put something together. They had Fox on board. They had Richard O’Brien on board. They had Lou Adler on board. The only thing missing was an author. I mentioned it to Sal and he said “Oh yeah – do you want to work on that with me?” This of course was right as documentary filming started and I was completely overwhelmed at work. So of course I said yes.
We were given a very short time to finish the book and not a lot of room to write. We were asked to put 40 years of Rocky Horror history into under 7000 words. That’s the origins of the play, the filming of the movie, the audience participation, the fans, fan events, conventions. They said “write a book about Rocky Horror”. Sounds so simple right? With 40 years to cover, we could have written an encyclopedia.
5. What’s the first item you every collected?
It was an 8×10 photo, but I have no idea which one. I think it might have been a black and white headshot of Barry Bostwick as Brad. There was a guy on my college campus selling posters and photos. I bought a giant poster of Kurt Cobain, a giant poster from The Lost Boys and whatever Rocky Horror photos they had. I got it in my head that I would collect all the photos that the Criminologist uses in his book. Then I went to the local comic book shot to try and track down the copy of Weird Fantasy that was in there. And then eBay came along right around when I had disposable income from my first *real* job. Thousands of dollars later I have no idea what happened.
6. What is your favorite item that you have collected of the Rocky Horror Picture Show vs. The Rocky Horror Show?
From the movie its the original costume pieces. I have Columbia’s bustier and Rocky’s floorshow boa. From the play is a bit tougher of a question. I bought two collections just before the 4711 Rocky Horror convention in Atlantic City. First was “The Rocky Horror Scrapbook” collection. I found a guy on craigslist (how many great stories start out that way?) who was looking to sell a bunch of Rocky Horror stuff. He was the guy who originally put together the Rocky Horror scrapbook. He had kept it all for 30+ years in storage. In it were some handwritten lyrics by Richard O’Brien for Science Fiction Double Feature. Scrawled on the back of them were notes for I Can Make You A Man. I’m not sure if this is the “original hand written lyrics” but I am gonna say “Yeah, probably”. Shortly after I bought that collection, another collection came up for auction from Sothebys. It was all of Michael White’s stuff. Mostly notes, and letters. One of the pieces was a framed picture of the famous Rocky Horror Show head logo. It looks like a photograph. I don’t think its an original painting. But its still pretty boss.
7. What’s the one item you can’t part with?
Ooof. All of it. I am somewhat of a hoarder. My wife says I should go through some of it and find some things I can part with that I don’t think are that amazing. But all of it is fascinating to me! I suppose if my house was on fire and I could only save one item – it would probably be the bustier. Its a shame if that was all that would survive though – I have some amazing shit.
8. Interviewee choice: Create your own question here then answer it. Make the question and answer clever.
Q: Besides Rocky Horror, what are you fascinated with? What do you collect?
A: I collect Mayor McCheese memorabilia, statues of Atlas holding the globe and clever interview questions. This one won’t be going in.
9. What happens to your collection when you die and can we have it?
My guess is that I will die in the fire mentioned in question 7, selfishly trying to go back in to save what was in the house. You can’t have it. No one can.
In all seriousness, I imagine once I am in the ground one of two things will happen to my collection. Either my wife will auction it or it will go to start a Rocky Horror museum.
10. Has your collection gotten you laid?
I am sure it helped. But it was never like “Oh my god! Is that a Japanese press book signed by everyone in the cast?!? We should totally fuck!”
One time after a show a girl came back home with me. She was cute, but not someone I really wanted around because there were some major crazy alarm bells going off around her. She told me she had nowhere to stay and I totally fell for that because a) I am a genuinely nice guy and b) I am a big dumb male. The next morning one thing led to another and there she was in my bed blowing me. I drove her home later in the day and that was the end of that. I found out later that the reason behind it all was a friend put her up to it in order to steal the Columbia bustier for her. So yeah – I suppose this totally counts.
11. What advice do you have for young aspiring collectors or people looking to get laid?
For collectors – Collect what you are fascinated with. There’s probably half a dozen major Rocky Horror collectors out there – but all of us have different enough tastes for what we collect that its not too often that we overlap and go after the same stuff. EBay is your friend, but some really good stuff pops up at auction houses otherwise. If you go for the standard licensed stuff, buy ten of them, not just one. And stay the hell away from any auction I have my sights on.
For getting laid – any tips you’ve heard, read, paid for or practiced in the pursuit of getting laid is entirely bullshit. There is no magic button. There is no secret password. There is a reason its called “getting lucky”. Get lucky as often as you can and press your luck when you do. The worst you can hear is “no” and then you are no worse off. You’re in the same spot as you were before that – jerking off to obscure and awkward pornography on the Internet while crying. Cest la vie.